March 2015 I sold all acquired nonsensical things I cherished for far too long. Purchased a one way ticket to Maui. Boom I’m on a rock, in the middle of the FUCKING OCEAN…
Hawaii had been on my mind for roughly one year. One of those things in life that keeps popping into your consciousness and you know there is a good reason for it. I was living in Chico, California. Cute house built in the 40’s, the basement was my abode. Pretty dingy and creepy nook at first glance, however, the vision was to make it an eclectic & cozy home. It was cultivated, painted, filled with antique nic nacs that made a dirty little den a cozy nest. I was lucky enough to have worked at the best job I ever had that I could never call merely a job. I worked with beautiful, inspiring, wild women, in a secondhand and vintage clothing boutique. A boutique full of love and creativity that brought me tremendous joy every day I walked in @threesixtyecotique. Leaving Three Sixty Ecotique and the family that lived above my basement were the two hardest aspects of moving. I was extremely blessed and lucky to be exactly where I was. Did I mention my rent was $280 a month?! Pretty cush situation to leave. My family and friends lived near me. The landlord of the cozy basement is a 70 year old bad ass antique dealer. We would drink coffee at 6 in the morning and talk about life, the joy of doing what you love, he was an amazing teacher for me. He showed me you can do what you love and be successful, he is living proof of exactly that. His hustling techniques always crack me up, but I think its what keeps his fire alive. He isn’t just hustling he created a life for himself that was not on someone elses orders but his own. Nothing about my life in Chico I felt unhappy with. I lived in a community where you see the people you love walking down the street and feel a strong vibrant community around, SO much goodness! Hard to leave, however…
This damn itch for Hawaii…COULD NOT get rid of it! Damn…everything was so good but this Hawaiian vibe would not wash out of my blood stream. It was something tangible and I could feel it in my bones, my skin my eyeballs. My intuition is pretty spot on so I knew I had to listen, even when I think I’m totally fucked…somehow things line up. YES, even when a shit storm is brewing. I have learned to say thank you and carry on, because we always see why things in life need to happen, later usually but whatever just be fucking grateful.
One day I was talking to my sister about Hawaii and she said “Why don’t you just go already, and stop talking about it, JUST DO IT!” Both of us being the strong headed aries we are…her words immediately inspired me to sell my “prized possessions” and leave within a week of our conversation. Some may say that is irresponsible and how can you just take off and go. BLAH BLAH BLAH…I have taken off spontaneously quite a bit in my life and each time I am so grateful that I got up and went instead of pondering about the going. The action of going is important and there is immense trust in yourself as the choice is made.
As soon as I made the decision I already knew it was the right one. I didn’t even have money to go but having a 3 day garage sale and selling my car was exactly what I needed to get there and be okay for awhile. Somehow my magical little inner compass knew the way and I already had a place to stay for a couple weeks for FREE and a job lined up. BOOM!
There have been times in my life when I ran away and I’m well aware of those times, but after recognizing you can’t actually run away you begin to travel in a different way with yourself. I don’t regret any of the times I “ran away” because all those times I was still discovering and learning. Its always a traveling of the inner and the outer is constantly showing us what needs to be seen inside. Nothing is ever wasted if you are learning from it. As soon as my feet landed on Maui I was confirmed over and over that I was in the right place. It was not always easy the time I was there. I knew no one, had no transportation, money was limited, jobs were boring and wrapped around tourism, I landed on a rock in the middle of the ocean, WHAT THE FUCK?! Although all of that was strange, and brought some restlessness. Beyond the restlessness was a trust in life much bigger than the minor discomfort of “life stuff” that most people worry about so much. After being comfortable for so long I had thrown myself into the abyss of the unknown…because really I had no specific plans once I arrived to this magical tropical paradise. Well…I did think I had some plans and they all got blasted and crumbled into the sea. None of them were the right plans. All the plans smelled of death and decay and a tight and rigid life which had no pulse. The ideas I had of future endeavors weren’t actually the ones I truly desired. The island washed that away somehow and told me no sweetie…you aren’t fucking doing that so forget about it.
When you remove all comfort and daily routines in your life and take yourself out of what you are used to. Everything that has not been on the forefront of daily thoughts because of “comfort and stability” WILL come right up to you and bitch slap you in the face. Which is fantastic because it gives one a chance to look at what was previously ignored. For myself it was really focusing on doing what I love instead of dreaming about it. No longer splitting my energy and building on what brings me joy was at the forefront of importance. I can do a billion things at once and have a blast with it all, but I noticed over time the things I want to do fall to the wayside. Never completely but less energy was put into art, creative projects, & dance. I think a denial of doing what wants to naturally express itself is a killing of ones spirit. It doesn’t matter what that is for you…it could be anything. Science, art, death metal, whatever is clever. Nurturing it is a requirement not only for your own fulfillment but for the inspiration for other beings who become excited to pursue or develop their dreams and talents by watching you pursue yours. This can only spread and I have been seeing it with my own eyes via social media. People are sharing themselves, their passions and creativity with the entire world now through the internet and is creating more momentum for people to remember to do what they love and not to be one of those people that say “I use to do this when I was younger.” That stops the development of whatever you love, it is premature not letting something fully develop . I am only beginning with my art. VERY beginning stages. But everyday I work on a project and I have watched how drastic the changes are even within one year.
Coming out to Hawaii…taking that first step of listening to what I want to do actually unleashed a lot of hurricanes for me because I kept leaving every job I got. I literally would stay somewhere a couple weeks and I couldn’t keep doing it I would get physically sick. All this was my fucking spirit wanting to break this cycle of working these places that weren’t fueling my fire. It was so I can spend more time on my art, writing, dance, fashion projects and what brings joy to life. I’m thankful for what seemed like complete irresponsibility. If I hadn’t done that I wouldn’t have so many hours of the day now to allow my passions to grow and develop.
I don’t think its necessary to quit your job and paint all day, unless you want to of course. I encourage you to think about what you enjoy. What invigorates you and moves you in a way that nothing else does? Are you doing it? If you have put what gives your heart an orgasm on hold, then you are doing yourself and others a major disservice. The doors of life start opening when you respect your hearts true desires. The only thing that has to change is the action of doing instead of dreaming. This has been a huge lesson for me. I’m an idea person and I never run out of ideas and never feel creatively blocked. But this kind of trait can sometimes be a burden because one can get caught in the dreaming state instead of the doing. Now it is clear how that has hindered me in many ways. Acting on the things that have been only dreams and ideas start to shift life immensely. Allow yourself to let your creativity fire burn like wild. Its not meant to die within you. It is meant to be shared. Please, no more FUCKING excuses.